


Log Recordings

by Mazen



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Beast Island (She-Ra), Double Trouble is a bitch and I love them, Drunkenness, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, LUVD Crystal, Missing Scene, We understand what Rogelio says because I say so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:47:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mazen/pseuds/Mazen
Summary: Collections of ficlets from discord, tumblr and the dungeon of my black despair.
Relationships: Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra), Kyle/Rogelio (minor)
Comments: 67
Kudos: 222





	1. Someone Cares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by cruelfeline on tumblr who wished there had been a scene where Entrapta learned what happened to Hordak onboard Prime’s ship and reacted to it in front of her friends.

“Re-reconditioned?” The scientist stuttered in a voice so quiet it startled everyone in the room. Entrapta had been working on a device that would help getting a signal to Etheria. They hadn’t even been aware that she was listening to Catra and Glimmer's tales about what happened on Prime's vessel. But she was.

“Yes,” Catra answered after a moment of stunned silence. She still felt guilty about sending Entrapta to Beast Island, but the science princess had just removed the chip from her neck mere hours ago, saving her in more ways imaginable, and she couldn’t allow herself to withhold information from the usually overexcited princess who still had her back to the rest of the group.

“Prime erased his memories and sent him off to be reconditioned. I didn’t quite understand what it entailed until I saw it happen again when I reminded Hordak of his name.” She paused, slightly disturbed by the memory. Hordak had been a stable figure her whole life as part of the Horde, a man to be feared - even after she took over the Horde.

“They led him into a pool with some kind of green slime… an electric current seemed to run through him. It looked extremely painful. And then he was… just another clone. No different from the rest of them.”

“But he _is_ different,” Entrapta finally turned around, tears staining her cheeks, her voice cracking. “You know that. Why didn’t you stop them? Did you at least help him fight back?” She sniffled, a tendril of hair wiping at her nose.

Adora looked at the others, as perplexed as them to why Entrapta was so shaken by this. She had worked with Hordak, yes, but this reaction was about more than that.

“He didn’t fight against it… he welcomed it.” Catra’s voice was reluctant now, resigned.

“No-no no no, he wouldn’t do that. He would fight, he is strong,” Entrapta shook her head in denial. “Why would he want to lose his memories, his personality?”

Catra’s next words felt painful to say and her gaze fell to the floor. “He… was in pain. He hadn’t been himself since he thought that you had betrayed him, but when he discovered I- that you had been sent to Beast Island, he went crazy. And when he couldn’t kill me, couldn’t get his revenge, he just… gave up.”

Entrapta slammed the mask over her face and turned to the ship’s operation system again, but her shoulders were shaking with sobs.

The group stood in uncomfortable silence, none of them knowing what to say. Seeing Entrapta react to what had happened to the warlord was surprising. She was always so cheerful and optimistic, but now she appeared almost broken.

Something had happened between the two of them, enough to cause the warlord to give up when he thought she was dead. And he would never get to know that she was alive because his memories of her, of what they had, were gone. It had been so unbearable to lose her that he, Lord Hordak, had preferred to get his mind wiped than remember losing her.

Adora remembered the crystal Entrapta had carried around. “LUVD,” she said out loud. Entrapta stopped her fidgeting, breathing hard. “It was his. And you gave him that crystal. You… loved him.”

“And I never told him. I thought he didn’t feel the same way. But he cared about me and now he’s up there, alone and subjecting himself to pain and humiliation while you only think about saving the person who sent me off to die!” Entrapta turned and pointed to Catra who shrunk into a small ball. “None of you care about him, but he is as much a victim as she was. All the clones are. But none of them matter to you!”

Wrong Hordak looked in confusion at the scene unfolding in front of him. Adora realized they had not even acknowledged his presence, the fact that he still thought they were serving Horde Prime. They hadn't even acknowledged that he too was a living being. They had only been thinking about Glimmer and Catra.

Adora neared the crying Entrapta cautiously, wishing to comfort her.

“The clones matter. They matter to me,” Entrapta said loudly, then turned unnaturally quiet again. " _He_ matters to me." Her hair started to wrap around her body in a cocoon, but Adora managed to embrace her before she could hide herself further. Adora didn’t know if Entrapta would like it, but she couldn’t let her suffer alone. Like Hordak.

Entrapta didn’t return the embrace, but leaned her masked face against Adora’s shoulder and wept.

“We’ll get him back,” she promised without knowing how to uphold that promise. "We'll defeat Horde Prime and get him back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for more ficlet. Next one: Hordak gets drunk in a way and gets comforted by Kyle, Lonnie and Rogelio.


	2. Unusual Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio are surprised to be called to the throne room. But nothing could have prepared them for what they encountered there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idea by [Forestfairyunicorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestfairyunicorn/pseuds/forestfairyunicorn) after seeing [Rae's patreon](https://www.patreon.com/raegeii) with Hordak, Kyle and Rogelio.

Rogelio, Kyle and Lonnie were on their way to the throne room after receiving a digital summon from Lord Hordak. Kyle was practically shaking in fear; why had they been summoned? Usually, only the Force Captains had direct contact with Lord Hordak while the soldiers stayed in the background, away from the worst of his anger spells. 

However, today he had specifically called for Unit N-T4P from his personal data pad which could only mean he wasn't involving the rest of the Horde in this. Somehow, they had managed to anger the warlord personally and he wanted to punish them swiftly and discreetly.

None of them could figure out what they had done wrong. Rogelio had dared to sit on Hordak's throne which Kyle had taken a picture of, but they were sure no one else had seen it. Lonnie hadn't been involved at all. She secretly hoped that her teammates' transgression was the reason for the summon and that Lord Hordak wasn't aware of the time she stole toilet paper from the bathroom in his sanctum. 

However, nothing could have prepared them for what awaited them in the throne room. 

Lord Hordak was where they had expected: on the throne. But instead of sitting in a regal, imposing position as he usually did, he was sprawled on his stomach across it; his chest appearing to lean uncomfortably over one armrest and his legs raised by the other. Around the throne were half a dozen gas containers of different sizes, some with tubes connected to them. One of the tubes looked like it was plucked into the warlord's neck where his armor had come off.

He was currently staring at the crystal that usually had its place at his collar of his new armor, lost in thought. His data pad lay broken beyond repair on the concrete floor at the bottom of the stairs leading to his throne.

He didn't appear to have noticed their entrance.

Almost two minutes passed by as they waited for Hordak's order while glancing back and forth at each other. All of them were contemplating whether it would be smart or stupid to leave in hope that their lord had forgotten about them. 

As always it was Lonnie who had to speak up.

"Lord Hordak, Unit N-T4P reporting as requested, sir." 

The only sign that he heard anything was the movements of his batlike ears which Rogelio to his horror found all too endearing. He'd never seen his superior as anything but terrifying before, but the person on the throne was nothing like the leader of the Horde they knew and feared.

Lonnie tapped her foot in impatience a few times, not pleased with being ignored. If this was a trick she would… No, it couldn't be. Lord Hordak never tricked his people unlike Shadow Weaver and then Catra. It was one of the reasons she preferred to deal with him these days. 

But he was clearly not in his right mind at the moment.

"Sir," she tried again, "do you have a mission for Unit N-T4P?" 

This time he reacted, engulfing the crystal in his fist and letting out a noise that almost sounded like a sob. He turned his head so forcefully that he tumbled out of the awkward position on the throne and landed with a 'thump' on the floor, crying out in pain. The entire thing would have been hilarious if the three soldiers hadn't been so horrified to see their leader look so pathetic.

Kyle was the first to react, always having a pure instinct to comfort, and rushed up the stairs to help Hordak up from the floor. When the warlord didn't push him away, Rogelio and Lonnie followed, helping Kyle who couldn't give much support to a man as large as Hordak.

They got him back on his throne where he instantly slumped down, so unlike the normal elegant and poised way he held himself. His armor seemed to be loose, perhaps turned off since the sigil wasn't glowing as usual, and the metal rattled heavily against his limbs. His face held a deep frown, his red eyes were dimmed and the black color around his eyes (that the units had an ongoing bet on: natural or eyeliner) was more purple, like a dark bruise. His body was slack and appeared frighteningly weak. There was nothing graceful nor powerful about their leader at the moment. 

None of them knew what to do. Scorpia was on a mission, Catra was… not someone they wanted to ask for advice. And Entrapta, she was gone. Sent to Beast Island by Catra.

"Sir, are you ill? Do we need to get the medical team?" Kyle asked sympathetically. The two others had already understood what Kyle hadn't: Hordak's strange behavior was caused by intoxication from whatever gas there had been in the containers surrounding the throne. And it had been entirely intentional.

Hordak huffed, but the sound turned into a sob. He looked once again at the crystal in his hand. "I tried calling her… them. To let them know I was aware of her betrayal. That she wasn't allowed back." The three soldiers looked at each other in confusion. Was he talking about Adora? "I thought that we… that she enjoyed being here."

"Is this about former Force Captain Adora escaping with the sword and princesses, sir?" Rogelio asked what they all wondered.

Hordak's eyes fell directly upon him and even the large reptile felt himself shrink two sizes from that look. "Who? No, I don't care about her. It's Entrapta! She let the princesses in, betraying m- us! She… it was all an act, a ruse to make me think she-" He looked back down at the crystal, breath shaking slightly. "She never cared."

The soldiers looked at each other with wide eyes, shocked by their superior's words. Catra hadn't told Lord Hordak the truth about Entrapta's fate. She'd lied, letting him believe that Entrapta of all people would betray the Horde. And he was… heartbroken.

Lonnie and Rogelio were at a loss. They should tell him the truth; he was their highest superior and Catra wasn't popular with any of them. But they had been involved in disposing of Entrapta, inadvertently making them accomplices by default. The warlord would no doubt punish them along with Catra.

There was no chance the princess was alive after several days on that island. No one could survive more than a few hours. The only reason they had for telling Hordak the truth was to lift their guilty consciences. 

No, they had to keep quiet.

Kyle moved closer to Hordak, making the other two momentarily afraid that he would rat them out, but instead the boy put a comforting hand on Hordak's shoulder. "She cared," he said in voice so uncharacteristically certain, "I know she cared. Whatever the reason for her leaving…" He paused, looking at the other two for guidance. How could they comfort him further without lying?

"It was never her intention to leave with the princesses. She was forced from here." Rogelio continued truthfully, feeling good about being able to bring comfort to a man in pain. Kyle brought these things out in him. He smiled fondly at his fellow soldier as he spoke what he secretly felt. "The only reason she stayed this long was because of you."

Lonnie suddenly felt like she was intruding on an intimate moment between her two friends, but to her relief it was immediately broken by snoring from the intoxicated warlord who had fallen asleep or possibly just passed out.

"Alright, soldiers," she shook off the feeling of being a third wheel - again. "We have a superior to tug into bed and then we're gonna catch a certain cat."


	3. You Came for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on art by [Dragonfoxgirl](https://dragonfoxgirl.tumblr.com/post/623233954520186880/i-had-this-image-concept-in-my-head-all-day-all-i)  
> Entrapta comes to free him.

She didn't know why she'd expected that things would change; that _they_ would change. That they would accept her, that they would forgive Hordak like they had forgiven Catra.

They didn't trust her when she said that he wasn't interested in conquering Etheria anymore. They scoffed in disbelief as he told them that he just wanted to live in peace. But worst was how they treated her as a child when she pleaded for his life.

He had been taken away and had gone willingly. She-Ra had been there and he had been weak without any armor. It was easy enough for her to find him among the clones, now that his hair had turned blue and his eyes red as part of his defect, no longer affected by whatever drugs Prime had been feeding him. At least Adora had the decency to appear apologetic when Entrapta begged her to let him stay as he was led away.

It didn't take many minutes for the jury to condemn him. Verdict: guilty of all charges. Sentence: isolation at Beast Island. The man who hated himself more than anything was forced to live out his life alone on an island that lived off depressive thoughts. It was a slow and torturous death sentence and they knew it.

Entrapta attacked that very evening, aided by Emily, Imp and every clone who knew what horrors Hordak had lived through, how he had known nothing but Prime and his evil.

Getting into Bright Moon was easy; no one really expected that she had the guts to do it. She easily grabbed the few guards with her hair and handed them off to Emily who used her new nets to restrain them. She walked right down to the prison cell Queen Glimmer had made in Hordak's honor and created a small - intentional - explosion to open his cell.

Persuading him to come with her was close to impossible and they lost more time than she'd accounted for. He argued that he deserved his punishment, that his life wasn't worth it. Every data she presented to convince him otherwise was dismissed in an indifferent and emotional disregard for science; it was so unlike him and she knew then that the new damage done by Prime would be haunting them both for a long time.

It wasn't until she placed the crystal from his armor in his palm and whispered what she had written on it that he finally relented, chasing her as his last breath.

Escaping the castle proved nearly impossible due to the princesses who seemed to come at them from every side with ice, water, thorns and poisonous plants, along with the magic from Glimmer.

They were surrounded and out of options when She-Ra appeared with Bow, King Micah and Scorpia. The four kept the princesses at bay while Entrapta and Hordak fled with their odd crew, looks of sympathy and gratefulness passed along the way.

When they reached the castle of Dryl, Entrapta turned on every security measure she had installed that would ensure no one would get in - or out. They bandaged the wounded clones, fed Imp a bag of chips and Entrapta promised Emily a new set of legs for her help.

After every one of their team had been tended to, Entrapta led Hordak into her chambers where she removed his clothing slowly, carefully treating and bandaging his wounds. Afterwards he did the same for her, his hands shaking as he touched her bare skin.

When he was finished, he rose to leave, but she held him back. "Stay with me," she asked and he didn't seem to have any wish to argue further.

"You came for me," he whispered, staring in wonderment down at her, "you truly love me." She managed to nod once before his mouth came down to meet hers, kissing her with the same passion she felt for him. They held onto each other as their lips moved together - giving and taking, experimenting and exploring - until she had to come up for breath.

"I love you too, Entrapta."


	4. Retrieving the Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When did Entrapta find the LUVD crystal after Catra took it from Hordak?  
> Missing scene explaining this and adding a little twist.

She had to see him.

Even if he had given Catra the order to send her away, even if he truly wanted her dead.

She would see him, just see him with her own eyes, and then she could hide behind her mask and flee into the vents. They didn't have to engage because he had sent her away to die and he didn't want her. He had never cared.

But she had to see him. Just once.

All the data she had accumulated after being sent to Beast Island suggested that the feelings she had for him hadn't been reciprocated. Whatever she'd thought there was between them had been in her mind.

Yet, for once something inside her disputed the data. It went against all logic, but she _felt_ that he had returned her feelings.

Which was why she was here to see him, to prove that the data was correct. It was an experiment, really, she tried to convince herself.

She was shocked to see his sanctum broken, destroyed by a heat cannon not unlike the one on Hordak's arm. But why would he want to destroy his sanctum - his lab - of all places? The only place he found the solitude he craved.

Until she had barged in there.

She'd thought she had met a kindred spirit in the lonely, misunderstood and utterly brilliant alien with all his flaws and imperfections, with his carefully placed walls shielding his inner self, not unlike her own.

She must've misread the signs she thought she saw in him. That he too treasured her presence. But it had been wistful thinking because as most people, he must've only tolerated her presence for the technology she could provide him with.

She forced herself to move on from the lab she held so dear; there was nothing to be salvaged there. Maybe there never had been, even before it was destroyed.

The throne room seemed to be in a similar state: every wall had been hit, the throne nearly obliterated along with the rest of the sparse interior. A large metal rafter had splintered, causing a portion of the ceiling to drop.

The evidence of a fight was overwhelming.

The large window across the room had shattered completely, bringing in a chilling wind. She was about to move on when something lilac shimmered among the glass shards.

Her heart constricted, fully aware of the one thing in the Fright Zone with that color, but she gathered the strength to go forward. It was evidence after all.

There amidst the rubble and glass lay the crystal. The crystal she had given him. Why wasn't he wearing it? It powered his exoskeleton. Without it he would be frail, breakable. Was he hurt?

Her chest felt tight and her eyes burned with tears.

'LUVD' it said, letters she had carefully engraved in it with an unsteady laser. She had been a coward to use an ancient language no one could read to describe what she felt for him, but she hadn't dared to tell him.

It had been for the best. He had sent her away.

Hadn't he?

She kneeled down to reach for the crystal, but before she could take it, a familiar clawed hand snatched it. Her head snapped up to follow the hand, to see his face - finally - to confront the pain.

She was ready to run, disappear into the vents and save herself the heartbreak, but the red eyes stopped her. They were filled with... tears?

"H-Hordak?" she stuttered, the uncertainty and confusion making her voice uncharacteristically quiet.

Hordak opened his mouth to speak, but all she heard was a shudder before he closed it again. Without thought her hair reached out to him.

"Oh wow," he finally spoke, his voice sharp with an edge she didn't recognize from him. "I was gonna play this ruse for a little while, but this is getting too emotional for me." The last sentence wasn't spoken by Hordak.

Her eyes widened as the man before her changed into a green creature with blonde hair and a devilish look on their face.

"Oh honey, sorry for the deception. It was just too tempting," the voice was laced with something, almost like the sarcasm Entrapta always struggled to understand. This person seemed to ooze conflicting social cues, making them impossible to understand.

"Where is Hordak? Did you do this?" If she focused on the concrete evidence around them, maybe she wouldn't screw up. But her words just made the person before her laugh as though they were belittling her.

"Me? Oh dear, no! Although I may have mentioned you. God knows that was enough to make the great warlord destroy everything." Entrapta frowned at their words, not able to connect the dots from the information. "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Double Trouble. I was hired by Catra to cause a little disturbance at the Rebellion. But," they lifted the crystal to the light and looked at it thoughtfully, "I prefer to be on the winning side. Hence the mess you see here."

Entrapta's hair flung out and grabbed the crystal in fear of what Double Trouble might do to it. Their intentions were certainly not clear to her. "What did you do to Hordak?"

"Nothing," they laughed and once again Entrapta felt acutely like she was being mocked. "I merely revealed your destiny. You see, the great Lord Hordak doesn't have many weaknesses. The only one I could find… was you." Entrapta swallowed a lump in her throat, her heartbeat increasing. He cared… and they had talked about him in present tense. He wasn't dead.

"It appears the clever little cat had convinced him that you had betrayed him, run off with the Rebellion. I simply told him the truth." Double Trouble smiled sinisterly with a mouth full of sharp teeth and lifted their arms to gesture to the room. "He didn't take it too well."

"He didn't know? That I was on Beast Island?" All the data she had gathered about her situation suddenly became useless. He hadn't known. Catra had lied to him, making him believe that Entrapta didn't care about him. That she would betray him. "I HAVE TO FIND HIM!" she yelled loud enough to make Double Trouble jump. Her hair grabbed them. "Where is he?!"

Despite the momentarily surprise, they relaxed in the hold of her hair and shrugged. "Not certain to be honest. He wasn't looking too good after losing the fight with the cat and then he was beamed away along with her and the queen."

Entrapta lowered them as their words sunk in. He was up there in Horde Prime's ship. And from everything he had told her about Prime, he was in danger. The Emperor had torn down Hordak's self esteem, mocked and shunned him for his imperfections. She couldn't allow that to happen again.

Even the more reason for her to find a way into space. And Darla was just the ship for it.

She was out the door before Double Trouble managed to catch up. "Oh, you really are a weird one," they clapped their hands in excitement. "Whata gonna do?"

"Whatever the princesses ask me as long as they let me go to Prime's ship."

Double Trouble chuckled and slipped into the shadows, now knowing who to follow if they wanted on Horde Prime's vessel.

After all they always chose the winning side.


	5. Shapes of Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hordak's experience as the portal causes reality to fold in on itself.

"You did well, Little Brother." Prime looked as majestic as Hordak remembered. Even if you took away his beautiful clothes, the pristine throne and his thousands of followers, he would still stand out; everyone would still be drawn to him.

He was glorious. He was _everything_.

"Not many defects would have accomplished what you have done, but considering your flaws, you have managed to conquer a small portion of this silly planet. Quite a feat for someone so… imperfect." Prime's last word caused the clones around them to gasp with abhorrence. He was a disgrace, an abomination.

But he did it all for him. Everything had been for him.

"I will allow you to join me at my side again," Prime gestured, not to his side, but to the crowd of clones. Hordak had never truly been anyone special, never Prime's right hand, never his top general. He was just another clone. But wasn't it enough?

"However, first we have to deal with some of your mistakes. Oh, you have made plenty, Little Brother, but some need more immediate attention than others. You have grown attached to them." Prime stepped aside and allowed Hordak to see Entrapta and Imp in chains on the floor. He wanted to go to them, pull the restraints off them, but found himself rooted to the spot.

"Dispose of these. Then we will focus on your worst transgression: thinking you could allow yourself to take a name." Prime nodded to the clones standing on each side of Imp and Entrapta; each clone grabbed the hair of a prisoner and held them up for Hordak. Imp screeched and scratched uselessly while Entrapta just looked at him with…. trust. It created an odd sensation in him.

He turned to his Big Brother who awaited for him to obey. Then he raised the arm with the blaster gun attached and pointed it directly at his creator. "You gave me life, but you never gave me a purpose. I have found one now." Two of Prime's eyes widened with fear before Hordak shot a blast directly at his chest. The God fell backwards, landing by the steps of his grand throne.

In a flurry of movements Hordak found himself in front of a joyful Entrapta with Imp on his shoulder. "You did it! You are free." Her hair cradled his face and she leaned her forehead against his in a tender manner. His hearts seemed to expand in his chest.

Commotion made them aware of their surroundings. Entrapta grabbed his hand and ran towards the exit with him in tow. He looked down at her hand, then back at her and felt something he had never grasped the meaning of before: love.

They'd nearly reached the exit when the floor crumbled right beneath their feet and they fell, hand in hand.

He was now in his inner sanctum, standing behind Entrapta as she tinkered with something. The confusion was only temporary, quickly fleeting as he watched her work. The confidence and innovation behind her creations always fascinated him, even if one third of them blew up. She never backed down at the risk of failure, soldiering on and making something valuable out of old robots and scraps of metal.

Everything had worth in her eyes. Even him.

The dangerous part was that he was starting to believe her.

"Will you hand me the u-formed laser wren-" He handed it to her before she had finished the sentence. Instead of continuing her work, she surprised him by turning around in her seat and looking at him through the mask. "Why are we still working on the portal?"

"To send Horde Prime a signal of my whereabouts." He answered without hesitation. A memory of Prime at the end of his blaster gun pushed itself into his mind, Imp and Entrapta in chains. He blinked, confused by it. Had that not happened only minutes ago? Or was it a dream?

"But is that what you truly wish for?" Entrapta had risen from the chair and removed her mask, now sitting on her hair face to face with him. Her eyes shone with excitement and something more meaningful.

"What I wish for doesn't matter. It is my duty."

"What if it wasn't?" She leaned closer to him, her voice softer than he was used to. His mouth felt dry and his hearts pounded rapidly in his chest. "Would you be more than my lab partner?" Her hand trailed over the lilac crystal powering his suit and his breathing became heavy.

"I don't know how to. I have no experience." He whispered, his eyes locking on her lips.

"Good," she closed her eyes and he did the same, "then we'll learn together."

His lips found skin, but nothing like how he had pictured Entrapta's lips to feel like. It wasn't the spark he'd imagined. As he opened his eyes he saw that he had pressed his lips against Adora's forehead. She stood before him, her image flickering between her face as a baby and as a teenager. "You have to stop her!" Her voice was as fierce as the look in her eyes.

"Who? What are you doing here?" He hissed before looking around the room to find Entrapta. She was there, looking over the control panels for the portal with Catra next to her.

"You can't trust her!" Adora yelled instead of giving him a clear answer, but she was pointing towards the control panels where Entrapta stood with Catra. The purple haired princess hadn't noticed; she was shaking her head at the data pad held by her hair, typing rapidly with her fingers.

"Something's not right. The portal is unstable. According to these numbers, reality as we know it is collapsing around us right now."

Catra came up beside him. "Adora's right, you know," she whispered maliciously, "Entrapta betrayed you."

Hordak's hands closed into fists and he dug his claws into his palms to avoid damaging something else. Rage was building inside him and he didn't know who or what to direct it at.

Entrapta's face lifted from the data pad and looked from him to Catra. "Oh. I remember now. I'm not… even here." The cat beside him tsked, making him snap. He strode forward to stand in front of the princess, familiar hurt rising in his chest.

"No, you're with the princesses for whom you betrayed me!" He roared at her.

She stared at him simply, openly before replying. "You really think I would do that?" They stood still, the space between them slowly seeming to expand. Something tugged at his memory, scratching at the door of his subconscious, begging to be heard.

The floor abruptly gave out beneath them again and as he lost sight of her, he saw a whip of lavender hair reaching out to him before complete darkness engulfed him.

A light came on, a sickly green light. He was floating, a strangely familiar feeling of being suspended in time and space. Around him stood dozens of cloning tanks, more than he'd ever had in his own lab, and the one right beside him held Imp. The little imperfect clone stared into nothingness, not in a conscious state. He jumped when the little sharp-toothed mouth fell open and Entrapta's voice sounded from the tank: { _You really think I would do that?_ }

Prime came up in front of Imp's tank, the customary smile of superiority on his lips. "Ah, who would have thought that it was possible to create something even more blasphemous than you? I created you, granted you the honor of having a body like mine and then you use it to make…" he gestured to Imp with a dismissive flourish, "this. You even gave him a name!"

Imp's mouth opened again: { _Imperfection is beautiful_ }

Prime laughed demeaningly. "You believed her. Put more value into her words than mine, your God!" His eyes grew angry for a split second as they turned on Hordak before becoming detached once more. "You played God. But you failed. And now it's up to me to clean your mess."

With a flick of his fingers the light in Imp's tank turned off and the machine pumping air into the deformed clone's ports shut down.

Hordak's chest burned and he screamed for Prime to let Imp to, but all that came from his mouth was bubbles in the green fluid. He beat against the glass of his own tank as he begged his God for mercy, knowing it was hopeless.

Prime raised his hands again and with a snap of his fingers, Hordak's world went dark. He fought against the current that seemed to pull at his limbs, swallowing him up into the void. But he knew his end was inevitable and when his bones felt close to breaking, he gave up. 

Time seemed to slow. For a moment he saw glimpses of Catra, Shadow Weaver, a storming void. 

He closed his eyes to escape the vision and instead conjured up an image. In his mind he saw Entrapta sitting on Emily with Imp in her arms. And he felt at peace. The crystal felt warm and the warmth spread through his body.

* * *

Then a light sparked against his closed eyelids. It was so bright and he wanted to turn away, but the light was everywhere. He opened his eyes, shielding his face from some of the light with a raised arm.

In front of him stood Adora. Except she wasn't Adora now; it was She-Ra. With the sword pulled from the portal slot, she stood strong before him, powerful.

He didn't fear for his life anymore. His future was too bleak for him to go on living. In that moment he wished she would extinguish his miserable life.

And extend her light she created to those he cared about the most. Those he loved.

A clawed hand grabbed his upper arm. "Come on, we have to go!" Catra yelled at him. He hesitated as he looked at the collapsing creation he had made with Entrapta. His claws reached for the crystal, providing him with a strange, hurtful sort of comfort.

He turned and ran, somehow managing to survive another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I borrowed a little from the S5 finale and the deleted scene. It fit.


	6. Beast Island, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entrapta documents her first days when she wakes up on Beast Island.

“Beast Island log 1: I do not have a recorder with me, but I find it is a comfort to pretend that my thoughts are recorded; that the data will be saved and become useful one day.

“I have through observations concluded that I have been exiled to Beast Island. My first observation was when I awoke, dazed after being electrocuted by a stun baton, and came face to face with a large animal unlike any I’d ever seen. A beast, one might call it. Luckily, it turned out to be a scavenger, not a predator, and fled when it discovered that I wasn’t dead.

“My second observation was the scrap metal surrounding me. The Horde uses the island to dispose of unsalvageable machines, although I’ve listed a number of reasons to Hordak how these machines may come in handy.

Hordak… is my third and so far final reason to conclude that I’ve landed on Beast Island. It is where he prefers to send those who have angered him or become expendable. I had reason to believe that Hordak’s anger at me after his armor malfunctioned in front of Adora was misplaced and thought nothing of it. But in hindsight I realize that it may have been a miscalculation of my part.

“It is also apparent to me that I may have become expendable now that the portal is finished. I thought... I felt certain that Hordak had come to appreciate our partnership, that he perhaps even liked me for other than my technological knowledge, but this was another miscalculation. One that hurt more than I would like to admit.

“It seems that I’m destined only to attain friends in the time they need me for my tech.

“I keep hoping that reality has collapsed and this is some nightmarish alternative universe. Or that Hordak doesn’t know I was sent to Beast Island. Usually he gives the order directly to the person who’s being exiled. In that case he might even send someone out to bring me back to the Fright Zone!

However, based on the accumulated data of my past social relationships, these scenarios seem unlikely. People leave me behind; this time I’ve just been thrown away like the scrap metal around me.”

* * *

“Beast Island log 2: someone was foolish enough to dispose of an almost functional multi-tool. But lucky for me because I found it among the scrap metal and after some adjustments got it to work perfectly. I am now making a robot that will help me travel somewhat safely through the deep forests on the island. I might as well explore the island before I find a way off it. There must be so much data to collect!

“I have been forced to take several breaks while building the robot because I’ve been attacked by several animals trying to eat me. One even managed to grab my welding mask before I used my hair to flee into a tree.

“Now I’ve my eye on a fascinating ant-like creature with a strong exoskeleton covering its entire body, including its face which is roughly the size of my old mask. The creature only seems to eat large frogs and grasshoppers, but the exoskeleton makes it hard to kill. I will continue to try as I’m reluctant to weld without a mask. I can’t collect data if I lose my eyesight!

“I try to keep myself occupied, more than usual. Whenever I rest, my thoughts seem to drift towards my failure to form lasting friendship and my shortcomings. In these moments I take notice of strange, black vines nearing me; one of them even caught my leg and it took five stabs with the multi-tool to cut the vine.

“The island appears to use my dark thoughts to make me lose focus and will to stop the vines from attacking me. If it succeeds, I will be an easy prey to the animals living on the island. This is likely how the people disposed of here are killed.

“The best way to avoid the vines is to occupy my thoughts with science! When I’ve finished the robot, I will discover what mysteries this place has to offer and it will save me from the dark thoughts.”

* * *

“Beast Island log 3: I’ve come to discover that the island transmits a signal that gives strength to my insecurities, making me an easy target for the dangerous vines. The technology for such an invention must be astonishing!

“It is clear to me now that Hordak, nor anyone else, is coming to rescue me. I’m on my own. That isn’t new territory to me.

“Therefore, this will be the last time I’ll address my failure to interact with others. It will only help the vines to gain strength and I cannot allow that.

“I’ve discovered signs of another person alive on the island, but I will not engage with them as it will lead to further insecurity. I’m going to travel to the center of the island where the signal is coming from and find the source of it. There must be so much data to collect!

I have almost finished building a real recorder which I will use from now on to document my findings. This is the last entry of my unrecorded logs, as well as the last describing my insecurities. When you're almost alone on an island, there is no need to think about social flaws.”


	7. Beast Island, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thoughts of Entrapta when she is rescued by Adora, Bow, Shift Wind and Micah. Dark.

The princesses are here to save me.

Well, Adora is a princess; the two others are Bow and a strange bird with horse qualities named Swift Wind.

It was Scorpia who told them where I was and I guess they found me useful enough to make the effort to save me. They must’ve been impressed with the bots I made for the Horde.

Scorpia didn’t think I belong on Beast Island. But she didn’t find me important enough to rescue herself. I thought we were friends, but I thought that about the princesses too and Catra and…

Hordak. I haven’t allowed myself to think about him for so long. He was my lab partner. Working with him was so much fun and he was so fascinating and respectful and kind. He listened to me, took part in conversations with me. When he looked at me as I talked, a little smile on his lips… Even now, thinking about him, it makes me feel warm.

Then I remember what happened and it feels so cold inside me. It must have been him that sent me here. He wanted me to die. I didn’t think he could lie, but it must all have been a lie. It must have been painful for him to endure my company, just because he needed my technical expertise. No wonder he threw me away the moment the portal was ready.

The princesses will leave me too. They did before. I tried so hard and they left me anyway. They didn’t even go back for me. Just like Scorpia didn’t. Or Hordak.

My only companions are my robots. I can program them not to leave me. I belong on Beast Island, far away from other people. I had been doing good here before they came. I wasn't wrong here. I fit into this place along with other creatures that can't function in a society. This is where I belong. 

I belong here.

They will leave me.

I belong here.

I belong here.

I belong…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know it ends well, but I want everyone to read Cruelfeline's tumblr post about Entrapta's efforts to be a good friend and why Bow's speech to her is missing the point: [Bow's friendship speech](https://cruelfeline.tumblr.com/post/623491543939104768/so-i-was-admittedly-distracted-by-something-a)
> 
> If you want Entrapta to know Hordak didn't send her to Beast Island, go to chapter 4: [Retrieving the Crystal](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980320/chapters/61242901). It might help.


	8. I surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hordak's thoughts as he meets Entrapta in S5. 
> 
> First person POV
> 
> Inspired by lyrics to I Surrender by Saybia, but not a song fic at all.

Guard duty away from Prime himself has always felt more like a punishment to me than anything else. Many of my brothers see it as an honor to obtain a position that spares them from the menial work of maintaining The Velvet Glove. But that, at least, keeps me near the presence of the Emperor where I cannot allow myself to wallow in my false memories for more than mere seconds. Out here, there's little else to do. The Hivemind fades away and for moments everything is quiet. Then I hear a voice saying things that go against my God's teachings… I push it down and focus on my task at hand.

Keeping watch over the signal towers seems unnecessary. They are practically impossible to sabotage, especially on a backwater planet such as this where science is discounted and magic rules. No one here has the knowledge to use any of what little potential there is to hack into the Horde's signals.

Unwillingly, my muscles tighten around the crystal in the palm of my hand, objecting to my thoughts. I have not been able to dispose of the damned thing that appears to be the source of my deceiving thoughts. Why can't I let it go? How come my hand at times stray to my collar as if the crystal has a place there? Am I defective in more ways than just my physical form?

A shape manifests in the corner of my eye. A quick automatic search confirms that it isn't one of my brethren and I reach out for it, grabbing its wrist. "What are you doing here?"

I freeze. Magenta eyes stare up at me, burning through me. Warm, brown skin, a sharp little nose, purple eyebrows raised in surprise and most strikingly different from other Etherians: purple hair moving on its own.

"Why do I know your face?" My voice is different. Unrecognizably soft. But something tells me that this person - female, she - won't be intimidated anyway. She makes me weak.

"Hordak?" Her voice shudders slightly as she speaks the name that haunts my mind with its persistence. It calls to me, saying that I am more than a clone, more than a servant to Prime. It's blasphemy.

I turn away from her, disgusted by my impure thoughts. "No, don't say that name to me. I have no name." I should report myself to Prime for reconditioning, yet something in me resists. It's not about the pain, but the thought of forgetting again. Forgetting her.

I look down at the crystal in my hand. She gave me this and it made me stronger. Entrapta. She makes me feel weak now, but she once made me stronger by accepting me for who I was. Hordak.

I turn around to face her again and see her affectionate eyes, so hopeful and honest. All must suffer to become pure, yet I find the very idea of this Etherian suffering nauseating. Isn't she pure already?

"What have you done to me?" My hand holds out the crystal, the catalyst that has made me stray from my path.

She looks at it, recognizing it with a smile. "You do remember me," she says with relief and the very thing I've strived to obtain from Prime… lo-

Her hand covers the crystal in my palm and the slight weight feels so potent, so right. "I knew you would." This was inevitable, something inside me whispers, this is meant to be.

There's a million suns glowing in the night on this planet that, until recently, only had moons; a fact that's scientifically impossible. Like the feelings I hide inside. Something deep in me wishes she will look up, so I can see the excitement in her eyes as she watches the universe expand above us. Lab partner.

Everything is quiet, every sound from the Hivemind pushed aside, except all the voices in my head that say her name.

I feel my resistance letting go. I want to give in and surrender myself into the arms of a beautiful stranger.

I stand in front of a vast void, unable to stare back. There's a bridge in front of me leading into the unknown. My heart is almost free.

I'm about to give in.

She's abruptly pulled away from me by a winged horse and suddenly, without her by my side, the bridge that crosses the void is too dangerous.

"Go," I say with more conviction than I feel, looking down at the crystal before squeezing it in my fist. "Maybe then these memories, these imperfections will leave me." The more distance to her, the better. I will not let myself be led astray from Prime's light by a beautiful stranger. My memories are mistaken.

Yet, her next words pierce the last slither of doubt in my betraying heart.

"Remember! Your imperfections are beautiful!"

_Imperfection is beautiful_

The words contradict everything Prime stands for, everything I have ever been taught from the moment I stepped out of the tank.

I am imperfect. I am a defect. I must strive to become pure. Then I will be worthy of Prime's love.

I open my hand to look at the crystal in the palm of my hand and suddenly, I recognize the writing on it. First Ones language. I gain access to the Hivemind's database to translate.

LUVD

The letters mean nothing; I flail at the disappointment and in sheer desperation I try to pronounce it out loud, a fire inside me insisting that I shouldn't give up. The word that leaves my mouth makes me stagger.

Loved.

I am loved.

Prime never loved me.

She loves me.

She really loves me. My beautiful stranger.

Like I love her.


End file.
